a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
