My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
