she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
