Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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