There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
