other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
