nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
