Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
