I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
