Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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