i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
