no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize