No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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