That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
