she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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