i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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