mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
