I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
