At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
4 words: hood of his car
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
