Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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