yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
