I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Someone shit on the floor
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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