Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
