living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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