why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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