Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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