if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
