just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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