my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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