there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
