The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
