sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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