Betty ford says i'm here all night
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
