I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
