don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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