You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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