She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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