And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
