I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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