How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
