i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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