I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
