If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
