apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
