You just made me feel so damn special
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
