There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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