I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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