i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
