Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
