he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
