The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize