what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
