I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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