I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
