I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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