he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
