just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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