I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Plan B is the new Plan A
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
