Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
