if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can't put those talents on a resume
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
