It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
