Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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