Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
