So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
