U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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