Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
