It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
